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#KidologyQuotes 6: The concept of Excel spreadsheets filled him with an existential despair

Updated: Dec 16, 2023

Jim shifted uncomfortably in the gloopy puddle, too scared to explore with his fingers. That nip had shaken off the Alastair Campbell drums, but now all he wanted was to have a little nap.

“Have we? I mean – we have?”

“Janice has been calculating budgets, time-tables, you know...”

Jim didn’t: the very concept of timetables, budgets and particularly Excel spreadsheets filled him with an existential despair. He tried to look out the window but decades of pipe smoke had blackened the panes and even if he could see out he’d only see that stupid bubble. However - realising they were singing from the same song-sheet, Jim brightened.

“So – you agree with me on principle, Principal?”

Evans’s sharp eyes narrowed craftily.

“Agree? To what, me lad?”

“Um – changing my hours?”

“Oh yes. Indeed. We are both talking, I hope, of a diminuer?”

Jim swallowed. He wasn’t one hundred per cent sure what a “diminuer” was; but he could hardly tell the Head of School that after he'd claimed to speak French like a native. He played with his shirt buttons.

“Er – yeah. That thing you said.”


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