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I'm the author of three novels, “Out of Office” and “Fire Horses" (both published by Legend Press), my new comic novel "Kidology," and a collection of short stories and creative non-fiction, "Militant Factions." I've had hundreds of features and opinion pieces published in the Times, Sunday Times, Guardian, Independent, Mail, Express, Telegraph and many more.

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 27: "Monica's left-of-centre broadsheet is calling for the introduction of Sharia law..."

Posted on March 28, 2021 at 5:40 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 27: “There’s nothing about the attack. Monica’s left-of-centre broadsheet is calling for the introduction of Sharia law in Muslim-dominated areas; the reliably supine Church of England agrees, and the Jews have some sympathy with this cause becaus...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 26: "The slower he walks the greater his awareness of the shabbiness of the world..."

Posted on March 27, 2021 at 6:25 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 26: “The slower he walks the greater his awareness of the shabbiness of the world around him, the drudgery and all the dust. Hook limps through a bleak shopping precinct full of youths walking with that hobbled gait, as if their feet are lashed to invisible p...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 25: "If he steps through he might enter another dimension..."

Posted on March 26, 2021 at 3:30 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 25: “Outside the derelict Woolies, cops have erected knife arches like the ones in airports. From this angle it seems that if he steps through one he might enter another dimension. Hook walks towards the barrier and a cop waves him through. But when he gets t...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 24: "The world's running low on energy, Hook reflects..."

Posted on March 25, 2021 at 3:25 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 24: “The world’s running low on energy, Hook reflects: not only coal, oil, gas, solar; eventually, he’s read, the energy of the universe will peter out, all the solar winds cease, and he’ll no longer hear his wife and daughter negotiating, m...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 23: "The contrast between the bipolar hours astonishes him..."

Posted on March 24, 2021 at 3:35 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 23: “The contrast between the bipolar hours astonishes him. Not twelve and twelve, noon and midnight – at twelve noon most people still retain hangovers, night-horrors, and at midnight work still impinges on sleep, drink and sex. The real contrast comes...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 22: "There was a lot of anger after 7/7..."

Posted on March 23, 2021 at 3:25 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 22: “There was a lot of anger after 7/7. Mosques attacked, Muslims attacking everyone else. Next time it’ll all kick off”

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 21: "Concrete has spread in all directions like a Damien Hirst spin-painting..."

Posted on March 22, 2021 at 3:30 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 21: Concrete has spread in all directions like a Damien Hirst spin-painting, the block practically vaporised

My second n...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 20: "...Even the Witnesses refuse to come in when he's home alone"

Posted on March 21, 2021 at 6:45 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 20: “Hook decides if he had to choose he’d be Jewish for the humour, Muslim for the food, Catholic for the booze and Buddhist for the peace and quiet. Not that anyone’s asked him to convert to their cause lately – even the Witnesses refuse t...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 19: "Hook holds up his palm like Knut"

Posted on March 20, 2021 at 5:15 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 19: “Hook steps into the road: a cab bears down, Cyclops eye yellow. Hook holds up his palm like Knut.”

My s...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 18: "...The mocking columns, jokes on Mock the Week..."

Posted on March 19, 2021 at 3:40 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 18: “Voices on Radio 4 discuss the failed bomber; he was driving a stolen gas tanker and exploded dismally and prematurely on an industrial estate – singularly inept even by recent standards. This is the latest in a series of incidents in which only the...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 17: "There isn't much shade round the stadium..."

Posted on March 18, 2021 at 3:35 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 17:

“There isn’t much shade round the stadium but plenty of water: canals, rivers, overflows, weirs, rivulets, ponds, lakes, reservoirs, linked by rickety lattices of foot-bridges and warped pipes. Steam, ...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 16: "...Except the balloon dance on Tiswas..."

Posted on March 17, 2021 at 3:25 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 16: “…Except the balloon dance on Tiswas – and he never fancied Chris Tarrant” (2/2)

My second n...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 15: "He can recall no obvious startling or transitory moments..."

Posted on March 16, 2021 at 3:35 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 15: “He can recall no obvious startling or transitory moments as a child in which inflatables played a part…” (1/2)

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 14: "...Hook thinks he hears the word 'miscegenation'."

Posted on March 15, 2021 at 3:20 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 14: “Gnarled faces look his way as he approaches then turn back to their conversation; Hook thinks he hears the word ‘miscegenation’.”

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 13: "It's a bad sign he can feel his liver at all..."

Posted on March 14, 2021 at 6:15 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 13: “It’s a bad sign he can feel his liver at all, squatting under his ribs like a troll beneath a bridge.”

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 12: "...go in search of company, swarming with impotent fury..."

Posted on March 13, 2021 at 4:25 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 12: “How disappointing, to wire yourself into your bodybag basque with trembling fingers, go in search of company, swarming with impotent fury. Then to appreciate at that final moment you’re going out all alone, your intestines will splash onto empty co...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 11: "Closing one's eyes, ears and mouths to the opinions of one's new comrades..."

Posted on March 12, 2021 at 2:15 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 11: “...Closing one’s eyes, ears and mouths to the opinions of one’s new comrades, the cultists, the mediaevalists...” (2/2)

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 10: "Multi-culturalism for the left means tolerating intolerance..."

Posted on March 11, 2021 at 2:50 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 10: “Multi-culturalism for the left, it now seems to Hook, means tolerating intolerance; promoting mono-culturalism...” (1/2)

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 9: "What does he care if his taxes perpetuate fairytales?"

Posted on March 10, 2021 at 2:30 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 9: “He wonders if the mosque's funded by taxpayers. Does it matter? What does he care if his taxes perpetuate fairytales?”

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 8: "Hook flicks his indicator..."

Posted on March 9, 2021 at 2:45 AM


#OutofOfficeQuotes 8: “Hook flicks his indicator. The sound’s a cold thud, like someone bouncing potatoes off the bonnet.”

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