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I'm the author of three novels, “Out of Office” and “Fire Horses" (both published by Legend Press), my new comic novel "Kidology," and a collection of short stories and creative non-fiction, "Militant Factions." I've had hundreds of features and opinion pieces published in the Times, Sunday Times, Guardian, Independent, Mail, Express, Telegraph and many more.

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 56: "...A couple of kernels of sweetcorn stick to the underside"

Posted on April 26, 2021 at 2:25 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 56:

Back to Black still plays in the background but it’s drowned out by the white noise in Hook’s head. He jumps up, unzips his pants and slaps his semi on his plate: the coke has made it shrink and there&...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 55: "Church is the one place where one feels self-conscious because one isn't being watched"

Posted on April 25, 2021 at 6:00 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 55:

Hook’s head clangs, like bin lids, like saucepan and spoon; he runs his fingers through his matted hair to ensure he hasn’t been scalped overnight. His throat’s clogged with bitter cobwebs and he...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 54: "I don't know any Liddle Towers, mate"

Posted on April 24, 2021 at 5:40 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 54:

“I don’t know any Liddle Towers, mate,” says the cabbie as he drives up Holloway Road. “Do you mean them flats by the Lidl?”


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#OutofOfficeQuotes 53: "Hook decides he'd like to visit London as a tourist..."

Posted on April 23, 2021 at 2:25 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 53:

#OutofOfficeQuotes 53:

As they pull into King’s Cross a bunch of apprehensive-looking Yanks board the tube. They probably booked their trip months ago and by t...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 52: "Hook reflects that his midlife crisis is getting out of hand..."

Posted on April 22, 2021 at 2:30 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 52:

As Hook limps along Camden High Street he calls his brother and gets that same blank voicemail. Jack hasn’t bothered to put a message on his own phone, and it isn’t the laziness that annoys him, itR...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 51: "The extraordinary thing about gravity is its gentle strength..."

Posted on April 21, 2021 at 2:25 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 51: The pint stands before him. He read somewhere that the extraordinary thing about gravity is its gentle strength: so easy to pick up a pint despite the imperceptible, inescapable forces at work. Hook’s lips make contact, a chaste kiss with the glass rim, a...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 50: "Hook thinks he's stumbled on an Al Qaeda control room..."

Posted on April 20, 2021 at 2:30 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 50: For one crazy moment Hook thinks he’s stumbled on an Al Qaeda control room, busily plotting the death of the decadent West; but in reality the bloke looks more like a shambling university lecturer stuck with a mal...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 49: "Is she too drunk to consent?"

Posted on April 19, 2021 at 2:20 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 49:

Hook bites his tongue, and the wine filling his mouth tastes of blood. Monica knows he hates her snobbery; the only time her decadent airs turn him on is in bed. She returns to her chopping, mashing, blending: all...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 48: "Hook gets the feeling he's done something stupid..."

Posted on April 18, 2021 at 5:30 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 48:

Ahmed hangs up. Hook gets the feeling he’s done something stupid but isn’t sure what. He’s tired of gritting teeth, biting tongue, buttoning lip... Why shouldn’t he ask questions councillor...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 47: "...You'd think he was Emperor of some Pan-Galactic Federation..."

Posted on April 17, 2021 at 4:50 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 47:

Sadly there’s no ketamine in the selection box. Having swallowed several tabs of acid Hook decides to leave work early to go to the Anne Boleyn and then on to Soho – anything, rather than face Monica ...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 46: "...A city that has at some point become strange to them..."

Posted on April 16, 2021 at 2:40 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 46:

As Hook emerges from the tube he sees the gang of youths outside the kebab shop and knows he must pass them or look weak. He tries to push by but the men murmur angrily and one pushes him in the back. Hook ignores...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 45: "London's floating on a sea of light..."

Posted on April 15, 2021 at 2:25 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 45:

There’s a weightlessness about the morning as if London’s floating on a sea of light: maybe it’s his limbs limbering up, adjusting to this new regime. For some days now Hook has abandoned watchi...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 44: "Even the word 'racist' is racist..."

Posted on April 14, 2021 at 2:40 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 44:

Hook waggles his feet at the ankles so they meet, part, meet, like Newton’s Cradles, until the balls of his big toes hurt. He answers sulkily, looking to escape. “Prof-whatever runs that estate. He...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 43: "He's being both grilled and microwaved..."

Posted on April 13, 2021 at 2:45 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 43:

“Look,” says Prof-SC, “I ain’t ashamed. I was a naughty boy, caught up in crime all my life. Blazing, shotting, marking, gettin’ in beef, repping me endz strapped, getting gripped by...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 42: "St George's flags flutter from balconies, red crosshairs and dirty whites"

Posted on April 12, 2021 at 3:15 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 42:

“While Hook waits he looks out of the one remaining see-thru window. Cars skate across flat-pack blocks, the infidel sun presses the dirty air flat. Trees in the artificial park by the fake canal opposite D...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 41: "Too early for the sun: must be another bomb..."

Posted on April 11, 2021 at 6:00 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 41:

Too early for the sun: must be another bomb.

Impossible to say whether it’s the liver-pains or the familiar crump that jerked Hook out of his dream. From his e...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 40: "Just as the plane hurtles into the White House..."

Posted on April 10, 2021 at 4:55 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 40: "Just as the plane hurtles into the White House, Hook is shanked awake by a sharp pain in the abdomen and opens his eyes on a world of fire. Orange sprites dance on the ceiling and pins of sweat puncture his forehead. He lies on his back dazed and spread-eagled...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 39: "Watching Fitma he begun to think Wilders had a point..."

Posted on April 9, 2021 at 5:10 AM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 39:

Watching Fitma the other night he begun to think Wilders had a point: there was something wrong, these medievalists, these freaks, these women-hating goons need sorting out – they needed a taste

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 38: "The heroic actions of King Kebab..."

Posted on April 7, 2021 at 7:00 PM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 38:

When Hook emerges into the haze of perennial dusk that serves for London night his stomach growls and he goes to the kebab shop opposite the station. As he queues Hook witnesses an extraordinary thing. The two cha...

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#OutofOfficeQuotes 37: "It's a relief to emerge into hard sunlight at the centre of the whirlwind..."

Posted on April 6, 2021 at 7:00 PM

#OutofOfficeQuotes 37:

The DLR is closed due to a security alert. It’s a relief for Hook to emerge into hard sunlight at the centre of the whirlwind that is the City. In the shade of a building resembling a root vegetable he swip...

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